St.Louis Business Journal
COUPLES WHO WORK TOGETHER FACE UNIQUE CHALLENGES AND OPPORTUNITIES

By Anna Navarro

October 2008  

Author's note: Client stories in this column are based on actual situations fictionalized to protect privacy and told with permission.



Couples who get along well and respect each other’s business acumen sometimes ask, “Should I be working with my life partner?” Especially in these times of economic upheaval, there can be an instant appeal to teaming with someone you know and trust.

In answering this question, one very important consideration is whether it’s smart to put all your financial eggs in one basket. That’s a business issue that needs to be answered by analyzing the marketplace and your role in it.

A less obvious, but equally important, consideration is whether you have (or can develop) the emotional discipline to blend your work and your personal life successfully. Here are some issues I suggest you explore if you are considering that possibility:

Can you maintain boundaries between work and personal life, and let go of disagreements quickly? To have a good partnership, you have to be able to speak you mind, take in what your partner has to say, even fight sometimes, then come to agreement and let it go. That’s always a challenge. But it’s much more challenging when your life-partner is also your work partner.

If you have a disagreement at work, you won’t find a sympathetic person at home to tell your troubles to. You’ll be going to bed and brushing your teeth with the very person with whom you've been arguing about a business matter. And, by the same token, if you have a disagreement about a personal issue, you’ll be facing that person at work tomorrow.

To survive this double jeopardy, you have to create respite for each other by compartmentalizing your work and personal life and letting go of hurt feelings quickly.

Sam and Teresa had been married for 10 years when she joined him as VP of Operations in his very successful small business. The business needed the skills Teresa had, and if she joined the firm, it would also make it possible for them to have more flexible schedules better suited to raising their kids.

The arrangement worked well for a number of years, then the marketplace changed and they faced new and very threatening competition. They often found themselves arguing about what to do.

They carried their disagreements home. It was wearing both of them out. They were finding very little joy in their marriage. It was also affecting their kids.

They developed a new set of rules in my office to help them deal with the situation. First, they agreed not to talk to each other about work related issues outside work. Second, they each identified a couple of trusted friends who were willing to serve as sounding boards, a role a spouse often plays. Most important, both worked hard to learn how to let go of residual negative feelings.

It required a lot of discipline to implement these new approaches, but as they got better at it, their business and personal relationships improved markedly.

Can you complement each other’s strengths and learn to defer to each other when it’s appropriate? The best life/work partners are ones who have different skills, temperaments and operating styles that, when combined, make for a stronger skill set than either partner has alone. But getting that benefit requires they deal well with their differences.

Bob was a big picture person. His desk was a mess and he couldn’t file to save his soul, but he knew what to do in a crisis and had a reliable sense of what direction they should be headed in next. Herb, his life and business partner, got discombobulated in a crisis, but he was methodical, thorough, and good at seeing all the ramifications of a decision. He was also good at keeping the operation moving in a unified direction.

In the beginning, these differences caused many disagreements and that’s what brought them into my office. As we worked together, they realized neither of their styles should prevail all the time, and the best way to operate depended on the situation. Now they very deliberately discuss whose set of skills is more suited to the situation at hand, and each defers to the other’s leadership as the situation demands.

There are definite challenges to working with your mate. But if it makes economic sense, and you can handle the emotional demands, you can potentially develop a more integrated personal life as well as a business relationship in which you feel truly seen and understood.

Anna Navarro is the founder of Work Transitions, a nationwide career consulting firm that trains independent career strategists and consults with individual clients.

This column was originally published by the St. Louis Business Journal. The actual title of the column and date in which it appeared in the Business Journal may be slightly different from what appears on WorkTransitions.com.